You’re me.
You’ve had a pretty wild life so far, even though you’re still rather young.
You’ve lived all over America, you’ve suffered the deepest depths, you’ve had wonderful adventures and seen and done things few people could even imagine doing, you’ve put yourself in stupid situations, dangerous situations, and you’ve had your heart broken a million ways.
And through all of this you had a dog.
Who loved you.
And protected you.
And washed the tears off your face with sloppy kisses.
And remained utterly devoted to you for twelve years, despite all your shortcomings and even though you were sometimes so self-absorbed you even forgot to give him his dinner.
This dog has been your best most unfailing friend for twelve years.
And without him you likely wouldn’t even be here.
Yesterday you thought he was dying of cancer of the spleen.
Today you find out that he may not have cancer at all.
But he does have another disease, which is paralyzing his throat.
Which is why he can't breath or sleep and has been choking for days.
You’re alone at the vet’s office.
And she's telling you that you could take him home, but he could stop breathing.
And you know that while there’s no guarantee of when that might happen, you will not sleep, and he will not sleep, and this could go on forever - both of you suffering until he dies.
And the vet is telling you that you could still find out that he has cancer, but this is killing him now, and it’s completely fixable, so if he doesn’t have cancer he could live for years longer.
And while there are definitely times when you should let go, she really doesn’t think this is one of them.
But it’s expensive.
And you’re broke.
And you’re an artist.
And you live in one of the most expensive cities in the world.
And you’re broke.
You call your partner, and you call your mother, and you stand in the street and stare at the Manhattan sky, but no one will make the decision for you.
And you are horrible at making decisions.
And you have never made a decision like this.
And really, no decision is wrong.
But you have to decide, all by yourself, if you will risk everything so this dog can live, that you will find a way.
And you choose life.
All by yourself.
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3 comments:
and you know you made the right decision.
and that's all you can do- that, and love.
i'm sorry your dog is sick..i've had dogs my whole life..and special ones,soulmate dog. so i get it.
I'm sorry that Klaus is sick...I feel like I know the little guy even if I have never met him in person. (if you don't count all the hair in the tape from hooper wrapping paintings). I hope he makes a speedy recovery.
J-
thank you so much, maggie may. i know it's hard for people who haven't had dogs to understand how hard this all is. and even those who do don't quite get what klaus means to me... so thank you.
and john! if you lived with klaus you'd know that living with klaus hair is one of the biggest parts of living with klaus! thanks for the well wishes. i know/hope/pray we do what's right for klaus in the end. take care.
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